“This is a straight-from-the-shoulder talk. Don’t tell me that you are “disciples” of mine – I disown you; I refuse to have disciples. Don’t try to “sit at my feet” – if you do, I will use my feet to push you off the platform. I need room to swing my feet about and don’t want people sitting there. But if you wish to call me “Brother” or “Fellow Student” or “Schoolmate in the Kindergarten of God” I will be glad to have you do so. That’s all we are, after all – little babes tugging away at the breast of the Absolute” William Walker Atkinson, Thought Vibration (great book if you have not read it, the first chapter is amazing).
Over the past few years, I’ve been seeking self development and growth, and have come across some of the most amazing people who helped me to develop myself, by telling me things from their own experiences which I then tried on myself and learned from where it resonated with my own experiences. I’ve also come across some less than helpful people who, through the best of intentions, tried to tell me how to develop, because they thought that they have the whole answer or “truth” for everyone. Here I am sharing some of what I’ve learnt, because if I’d read what is here, it would have helped me, and I’m sure it can help others.
The above quote for me summarises how to tell a great coach/self development technique from one which will probably be ultimately very unhelpful. If you feel the coach/self development projecting onto you, telling you what you are experiencing, or what your experience “means” for you, or how to resolve it in a way which you cannot see or resonate with yourself, then the person (techniques come from people) is ultimately looking for themselves in the people they try to help.
It can be tempting to put the responsibility for ourselves and our own development into another’s hands, by adopting their “truth” as a way to get growth and to resolve issues in our lives, however it ultimately can lead us away from who we really are. Only by being ourselves and looking to the inside can we get the answers that we want in life. Accepting someone else’s view of what things mean for us can lead us a merry dance, skipping down a pretty path away from ourselves, which ultimately is the opposite from where we would want to be.
Does any of that sound familiar? Just like the “The Democratic Republic of the Congo” is probably not that democratic (I think I stole that one from Jimmy Carr), people who offer themselves as being “enlightened”, or say that they can show you the way because they have the answers, are probably are not that enlightened (personally I don’t even believe in the word).
“Stop this moon business and build yourself up into a Sun. You have it in you, manifest it”. From the same book.
All the best self development books, CDs and coaches, and spiritual stuff, gets YOU to look inside of YOURSELF and to learn for yourself, above all else. That’s not to say that we cannot learn from other people who may have already learned the kinds of things that we desire to learn, it can cut out a lot of the searching to hear someone else’s experiences and what works for them. However, there is a big difference between blindly accepting the “truth” of another as what is truth for ourselves and becoming that persons mirror (which reminds me of the lady with the mirror in sleeping beauty), and filtering what we learn to accept only what resonates with us as our own personal truth. It’s up to us to decide when that self development guru or coach’s opinion or technique resonates with our own experience, and to take responsibility for what we choose to take from that other persons experience and view of the word.
Common traits of the true self development/spiritual Suns
All self development experts who totally get what self development is and who live by what they believe, will be willing to learn from your experience of self development without telling you what it is that you perceive, in fact they will actively seek your views and try them on themselves.
Rather than treating you like a student or a disciple to be “fixed” or to evolved into what is predefined by them as “good” or “right” or “healthy” or whatever else they project as the growth you seek, including the way to attain that growth (it seems to me that those who do so are normally seeking these things themselves, and therefore look for them in others), they will treat you as an equal in every way who can teach them as much as they can teach you. Because if they are truly in that really cool space that they appear to be in, then they will want to grow as well!!! The only way for them to grow whilst helping you, is to learn something from you.
They view everyone (even the “least” “enlightened” of us – personally I don’t believe in either word) as being an amazing source of spiritual wisdom and limitless possibilities and love. Self development has to be a do WITH process in order to be SELF development, otherwise we are adopting someone else’s beliefs about ourselves, and developing into a reflection of someone else, moving even further away from what we seek. I wonder who else, and for what purpose, and from which persons intention?
Four AMAZING self development Suns, check them out…………
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